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How to Get Ready for Love: 7 Steps to Take Before You Meet Him

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Ask a woman who has been single for a while what she needs, and she will usually say "a good man". Ask her what she does to meet one, and you will hear about apps, friends' parties and the odd blind date. What hardly anyone talks about is the part that happens before any of that: whether she is actually ready.

Being ready is not about losing weight, buying a new dress or having your life perfectly sorted. It is about how you feel about yourself, what you expect from men, and what you are carrying with you from the past. Get those right and dating stops feeling like an exam you keep failing.

Here are seven steps you can start on this week. You do not need to buy anything to use them.

1. Make peace with being single

This sounds backwards, but it matters. If being single feels like a sentence you are serving, every first date carries the weight of your whole future. You end up anxious, you hold on too tightly, and good men can feel that pressure from across the table.

Try this: write down five things you genuinely enjoy about your life as it is now. Your evenings, your friendships, the freedom to take a trip on a whim. A woman who is content on her own is choosing a partner, not looking for a rescue, and that is a very different energy to bring into a room.

2. Notice the voice in your head

Most of us have a critical inner voice that comments on everything. You are too old. Too heavy. Too much. Not enough. All the good ones are taken. That voice feels like the truth because it has been talking for years, but it is only a habit.

For one week, catch it. Every time you hear a harsh thought about yourself and men, write it down. At the end of the week, read the list and ask, "Would I say this to my best friend?" You would not, so start answering it the way you would answer her. Beating yourself up has never once helped anyone meet someone.

3. Look honestly at your past

Old heartbreak has a way of turning up on new dates. If you were cheated on, you may be braced for it again. If you were let down, you may push a kind man away before he gets the chance to let you down too.

Take an evening with a notebook and go through your last few relationships. For each one, write what drew you in, what went wrong, and what you believe about men because of it. You are looking for patterns, not blame. If you find wounds that feel too big to look at on your own, that is a sign to talk to a counsellor, which is a strong and sensible thing to do.

4. Decide what a good man looks like to you

Many women can describe the men they do not want in great detail and the man they do want only vaguely. Turn that around. Write down how you want to feel with a partner. Safe? Laughing? Respected? Then write the behaviours that would show you he is that kind of man: he calls when he says he will, he is kind to waiters, he asks about your day and listens to the answer.

This becomes your filter. It helps you weed out the flakes, jerks and playboys early, because you are judging men on how they treat you rather than on how much they make your heart race in the first ten minutes.

5. Learn when to trust your feelings

Chemistry is wonderful, but it is not the same as compatibility. Sometimes a strong pull towards a man is a sign of something good. Sometimes it is an old pattern dressed up as fate, and the "bad boy" you cannot stop thinking about is just the latest version of a story you already know the ending to.

A simple test: when you feel a strong pull, ask yourself, "Is this how I feel, or how I am used to feeling?" Then look at your list from step 4. If his actions match it, enjoy the feeling. If they do not, the feeling deserves a little suspicion.

6. Think about the first impression you give

Men form their opinions quickly, and so do we. This is not about looking like a model. It is about the messages you send without meaning to: arms crossed, eyes on your phone, a joke at your own expense before he has had a chance to like you. Many women who think they are being "relaxed" come across as uninterested, and get put in the friends zone as a result.

Next time you go out, try three small things. Put your phone away. Make eye contact and smile first. Ask him one question you are curious about, and let the conversation follow from there. Warmth is far more attractive than any clever line.

7. See rejection differently

Every woman who has dated has been turned down, ghosted or let go. It hurts, and it is easy to take it as proof that something is wrong with you. A more useful way to see it is that rejection saves you time. A man who is not interested, or not ready, has just stepped out of the way of the one who will be.

When it happens, give yourself a day to feel it, then ask what, if anything, you would do differently. Usually the honest answer is "nothing, he just wasn't the one". Then move on, still open.

When you want to go further

These seven steps are worth doing on their own. If you would like a guide to walk you through the inner side of dating in more depth, the book I recommend is Mind Makeover (https://hop.clickbank.net/?affiliate=YourIDHere&vendor=wwords&tid=YourTracking&type=cloaked) by Amy Waterman. (That is my affiliate link.)

Amy has been writing about dating and relationships for over a decade and is the author or co-author of ten dating advice books, including titles with the dating site MeetYourSweet.com. Mind Makeover is her book about inner game: not what to say or wear to get a man, but how to be. In her words, "who you are inside is the root of everything that's happening to you with men."

It covers the ground above in much more detail, including:

- do you give off "good vibes"?

- how to stop being nervous with men

- how men form their opinions about you

- why rejection is a good thing

- how past relationships affect you

- what to do if you're attracted to a bad boy

- healing your heart

- what if you're too busy to date?

The book is built around her Four Pillars and asks you to answer some honest questions about yourself as you read, so it suits women who are willing to do a bit of work rather than looking for a quick trick. It is a 129-page e-book, so you can start reading straight away.

It costs $37 and comes with five bonus e-books: a Guide to Affirmations (with 14 illustrated affirmations for love), The Secret to a Happy Relationship, Living with Him: What to Know Before You Move In, Quotes to Live By, and Let's Talk about Love, a Q&A with Amy. On the order page there is also a box for Amy's monthly Amazing Self membership, and it comes ticked. The first edition is free. After that it costs $37 a month, and you can cancel at any time, so if you only want the book, untick the box before you pay.

Amy gives an 8-week guarantee: if you give the program your best shot and it is not what you wanted or expected, contact her within 8 weeks of buying and she will refund you in full.

Being ready for love will not make a man appear on your doorstep. What it does is make sure that when a good one comes along, you are open, confident and clear enough to see him and let him in. If you would like help getting there, take a look at Mind Makeover (https://hop.clickbank.net/?affiliate=YourIDHere&vendor=wwords&tid=YourTracking&type=cloaked).
