Disclosure: this review contains an affiliate link. If you buy through it I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you. I only write about things I am happy to put my name to.
Most dating books I come across fall into one of two camps. Either they hand you a script (what to text, when to text it, how long to wait before you reply) or they promise some secret switch inside a man's head. Neither has ever sat well with me, so when I read about Mind Makeover by Amy Waterman, the first thing I noticed was what it says it is not. (That link is my affiliate link.)
This is my honest look at the book: what it is, who I think it suits, who should save their money, what comes with it and what it costs.
The full title is Mind Makeover: How Inner Game Gets the Guy. It is a 129-page e-book written for single women who want a real, loving relationship and are tired of meeting the wrong men or following advice that leaves them feeling inadequate.
Amy puts the idea plainly on her sales page: the book is "not about what you should do or say or look like to get the guy. It's about how to be." Her view is that who you are inside, how you feel about yourself and what you believe you deserve, shapes what happens to you with men far more than your looks or your past.
The book is built on what she calls the Four Pillars, four foundational principles she asks you to understand, along with a set of questions she wants you to ask yourself seriously as you read. It is a book you work through, not one you skim.
Amy Waterman has been writing about dating and relationships for over a decade. She is the author or co-author of ten dating advice books, including titles with the dating site MeetYourSweet.com, and she has written a great many articles about men, attraction, dating and marriage. She describes herself, with some humour, as someone who started out wanting to be Carrie Bradshaw and ended up closer to Murphy Brown: "a bit sharper tongue, a bit more committed to facts". That tone runs through her writing.
Amy shares a partial list of the topics the book covers. A few that stood out to me:
Going by the sales page, the book also covers first impressions and the messages you may be sending without meaning to, how to quiet the critical voice that tells you you're not good enough, how to tell when to trust your feelings and when to be wary, how to weed out flakes, jerks and playboys, and what every man wishes women understood about him.
Your order also includes five short bonus books:
The order page also offers an optional extra: a monthly membership called Amazing Self, with the first edition free. The box for it comes already ticked. After the first month it costs $37 a month, and you can cancel at any time. I mention it because I would want to know about it before I paid. If you only want the book, untick the box before you pay.
Two things.
First, it is kind. A lot of dating advice, even when it means well, starts from the idea that something is wrong with you. Amy's starting point is the opposite. She writes, "You don't need to be told you're not pretty enough, not wearing the right clothes, not making the right kind of small talk, or not sending off the right signals." For a woman who has read a dozen books that made her feel worse, that alone is a reason to look.
Second, it covers the parts most books skip: rejection, old heartbreak, the pull of the bad boy, the bed buddy who never becomes a boyfriend. These are the real situations women talk about with their friends, and it is good to see them faced directly.
The sales page carries a few reader comments about Amy's advice. Here are two of them, word for word. Everyone is different and your results will vary.
"I've not only used your advice to meet and attract the love of my life, I've gained confidence in myself that I never had before."
Sarah Donaldson, Portland, Oregon, USA
"Your tips have not only reminded me of the power of my own confidence, but have given me invaluable help on how to create interest in a man, and to keep it!"
Kim Collier, USA
No book is perfect, and I would rather tell you now.
It is inner game, so it will not meet anyone for you. You still have to go out, say yes to invitations and put yourself in a position to meet people. Amy says as much herself: "No one else can attract a man for you."
The sales copy has its playful, big moments (the P.S. talks about your "transformation to an Absolute Goddess of Love"). If you like a dry, academic tone, this is not it. It reads like a friend with strong opinions.
And it asks something of you. The guarantee wording is clear that the change comes when you "commit to the principles" and "seriously ask yourself the questions" in the book. If you want something to read once and put down, you will get less from it.
Mind Makeover costs $37 and comes with the five bonus e-books. Amy offers a full refund: if you have given the program your best shot and it is not what you wanted or expected, you can contact her within 8 weeks of your purchase for your money back. That gives you plenty of time to read it properly and try the ideas before you decide.
If you are a woman who is tired of dating advice that makes you feel like you are applying for a job, and you suspect the real problem might be the way you feel about yourself and about men, this is a warm, honest and practical place to start. It will not hand you scripts and it will not promise you a husband, and I think that is to its credit.
At $37, with five extra books and an 8-week refund window, the risk is low. If the topics above sound like conversations you have been having with yourself, you can read more about Mind Makeover on Amy's own page.