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Don't Give Up on Dating Without Trying This First

by Amy Waterman

Dating SHOULD be easy.

There's enough dating advice online, in women's magazines, and on talk shows to solve every woman's problems.

So why aren't we all happily married to our perfect mate?

I asked myself this question recently when yet another lovely woman in her forties introduced herself to me, saying that she'd been single for the past decade and she was ready to give up on men.

"It's too much work," she said. "I can't sit around waiting for a man to drop onto my front doorstep. I've got to get on with my life. And if that means that I don't end up meeting someone, so be it." She shrugged.

My heart dropped when she said that.

I know it's difficult to meet men (and even more difficult to find one worth your time), but that doesn't mean you have to GIVE UP on love.

Would you resign yourself to a lifetime alone just because it's "easier" staying single?

I knew what I had to do.

Dating Advice for REAL Women

Most of us women don't need more dating advice.

We've been married or in a serious relationship before. We're not novices. We know more about men than a lot of people!

But what we DON'T know is why love isn't happening as easily for us this time around.

There's something tripping us up. Maybe there just aren't as many good men around these days. Maybe we're just not sending off the right vibes. Maybe the dating world has moved on. Maybe it's old-fashioned to expect courtship and marriage anymore.

What we need is some sort of diagnostic tool to hone in on the REAL reason our love life seems stuck in first gear.

Luckily, I knew just the thing...

My Story

I've spent the past decade devouring dating research as part of my quest to unravel what modern women need to know about love.

I can't count the number of times I've read about some "magical secret" that would trigger a man's psychological commitment switch, or some "secret power" that would enable a woman to seduce any man she laid eyes on.

To me, those kinds of tricks always seemed rather silly.

Like many women, I didn't want power over men. I just wanted to be HAPPY. And part of "being happy" was having someone - just one man, thank you very much - to share my life with!

My needs were quite simple: all I wanted was someone I could trust, who loved me like I loved him, and who would be there for me no matter what. That's it.

And I knew that I wasn't alone. Most women, if they're honest with themselves, want the same thing.

So why, then, was it still so hard?

Why couldn't all the dating advice in the world change the fact that so many of us women were still on our own with no decent prospects in sight?

The Secret to Attracting Love

I found the answer unexpectedly. It wasn't in some dating manual or relationships guide. It was in a classic self-help book published back in the 1980s.

In an instant, it changed everything for me.

The secret to attracting love, I discovered, didn't have anything to do with pushing a man's buttons or making him see us in an attractive light.

That's where we were all going wrong.

Most dating advice wrongly assumes that you need to DO something or CHANGE something about yourself to be more attractive to men.

Actually, you don't need to convince men of ANYTHING.

Putting too much energy and attention into attracting men can actually achieve the opposite.

So what does it really take to turn your luck in love around?

Find out in MIND MAKEOVER: How Inner Game Gets the Guy

Come on a Journey with Me

In my latest ebook, I take my readers on an emotional journey.

We travel through our thoughts, feelings, and past heartbreak to find the root of our issues with men.

It's a journey of discovery, and it's not always easy. It can be hard to look inside and see the truth of what you feel.

It can be hard to face up to who you've always been and who you've always wanted to be.

But nothing good ever comes without a little hard work, does it?

My course will take you to a place where you finally feel happy with yourself, happy with your life, and wholly, completely loved.

Would you like to go there with me?

Join me on the adventure of a lifetime, with my MIND MAKEOVER program.

It's time to claim the love you deserve.

Why Are You Still Single?

by Amy Waterman

You're tired of being alone. You want to meet someone.

But you just can't be bothered with the effort it takes.

Why give up your comfy evenings at home for a cold bar and nervous conversation? Besides, your life is just fine as it is. You don't "need" a man to be happy.

Hello! My name is Amy Waterman.

And I've got a book that you just might be interested in.

Dating for REAL Women

It's a program designed specifically for women who've had a little "life experience" under our belts!

We women don't always realize it, but we have a lot going for us: maturity, wisdom, and life experience, to name but a few.

But when it comes to meeting men, we tend to think that we're operating at a disadvantage.

We think that something about us puts men off.

If it's not our weight, it's our age. If it's not our previous marriage, it's the fact that we have kids. Anyway, all the good men our age have already been taken, so there's no use trying, is there?

We've got a LOT of reasons to avoid trying to meet men. We're good at convincing ourselves that we can't be bothered with dating.

I've got to be honest with you.

Those excuses just don't cut it.

Why You're Still Single

You may have 101 reasons that you're still single, but I'm not believing any of them.

The REAL reason you're still single ... is because YOU want to be.

The fact is: if you really wanted to be in a relationship right now, you'd be in one.

But I suspect - and this is only a hunch - that you have a lot of fear inside where relationships are concerned.

I think you're worried about putting yourself out there...

Worried about getting hurt...

Worried about what will happen when a man sees the "real you"...

Worried about what you'll have to give up if you meet someone.

There's nothing "wrong" with those fears. Everyone has them.

But you'll only hold yourself back if you allow your fears to affect how you live your life.

Do You Want a Relationship?

Are you tired of being on your own all the time?

Do you ever want to lean on a man’s strong shoulders and let him carry part of the burden … but you’re scared to, because you worry that the moment you lean on him, he’ll step away and let you fall to the ground?

If you answered yes, I have good news.

My program, MIND MAKEOVER: How Inner Game Gets the Guy, is designed to help women who feel stuck in their love life.

If you've ever felt that you're doomed to be on your own forever, then this course will help you BREAK through those barriers keeping you single.

It's based on the Four Pillars, which are four foundational principles that will keep you strong, loving, and 100% irresistible.

Master these Four Pillars, and you'll irresistibly attract anyone you come in contact with, not just men!

That's because my system helps you rebuild your life from the inside out, starting with your thoughts and feelings about men and relationships.

When you've got a good solid emotional foundation, your ability to flirt and make small talk with men flows naturally. You don't even have to think about it!

Say YES to a New Life!

One thing is certain:

If you don't change something now, your life is never going to change.

You can't just sit back and wait for Prince Charming to come knocking on your front door.

Love doesn't come knocking. YOU have to invite it in.

I invite you right now to visit my website.

Take that first step towards change. Open up those doors to love. And I promise:

You'll never look back.

Why Dating Shouldn't Be "Hard Work"

by Amy Waterman

You may not realize it, but you have an advantage where men are concerned.

It's called "Life Experience," and most of us women have got it in spades.

Life experience can’t be bought. You can only get it through living, loving, getting hurt, getting back up again, and loving some more.

Sure, there are lots of people out there who study love, and they’ll tell you that you need to do all sorts of things to get a man’s interest: you have to mirror his body language, understand his psychological triggers, read his subtle subconscious cues, and so forth.

But you've managed to meet men in the past without jumping through all those hoops.

Maybe you've even managed to get married and have kids without needing to know a thing about "psychological triggers"!

Which brings up a very interesting question...

Why do you HAVE to work so hard at meeting men?

Can't it just happen naturally?

Is it really necessary to change who you are just to catch a man’s eye? Surely you should be able to attract men by just being YOU.

After all, “being you” works for you. You like who you are. You don’t have the time or energy to change yourself for a man, even if he does look like Brad Pitt. (Well, there are always exceptions!)

Dating Can Be Hard Work

Trying to date according to the "latest expert advice" isn't easy. All too often, it adds pressure to our already burdened lives.

It’s tough when you expect a lot of yourself.

The sad thing is: we all do it. We expect ourselves to be Superwoman. We have to be the perfect mother to our children and the perfect daughter to our parents. We have to be the perfect friend and the perfect employee. We have to keep up on the latest news and keep our weight down and keep ourselves healthy and find time for ourselves in the midst of it all.

We put a LOT of pressure on ourselves.

Then, when we start looking at our love life (or lack thereof), it all seems too much.

With everything else going on in our lives, do we really have to find the time to socialize just so that we can meet men and waste our time having dinner with someone we’re not even the least bit attracted to? Come on!

What You Need is a Fairy Godmother

You don't need more advice.

Life experience has already taught you everything you need to know about how to "catch a man's eye," and you're SO over that.

The more you live, learn and love, the more you realize that “catching a man” is a bit silly.

Sure, all that flirtation and romantic intrigue is fun and helps you feel good about yourself, but in the end it rarely goes where you want it to go.

These days, you’re less interested in fooling around and more interested in sharing your life with someone.

You’ve just got to find the right man.

Someone who’s interesting, easy on the eyes, fun to be with – who’s also decent, honest, and stable. Someone who’s not going to take your heart and run with it.

Actually, forget the man.

What you really need is a fairy godmother to wave her magic wand over you and instantly manifest your ideal relationship with your perfect mate!

Get Your Transformational Mind Makeover

I wish with all my heart that I could solve all your relationship worries with one swish of my pen and a “Bippity-boppity-boo!”

But I can’t.

Instead, what I CAN do for you is give you a one-of-a-kind makeover that will help you relax around men, enjoy yourself more, feel more confident, and have more faith in the future.

It's all in my brand-new course, MIND MAKEOVER: How Inner Game Gets the Guy.

Forget about endless rules, techniques, strategies and psychological games. Forget about feeling inadequate, awkward, or inauthentic. Forget about working hard just to meet men you're not interested in anyway.

This is about attracting men simply by being WHO YOU ARE...

And not what someone else thinks you should be.

Does that sound good to you? If so...

Find out how to be FEARLESS!

Disclosure: this review contains an affiliate link. If you buy through it I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you. I only write about things I am happy to put my name to.

Most dating books I come across fall into one of two camps. Either they hand you a script (what to text, when to text it, how long to wait before you reply) or they promise some secret switch inside a man's head. Neither has ever sat well with me, so when I read about Mind Makeover by Amy Waterman, the first thing I noticed was what it says it is not. (That link is my affiliate link.)

This is my honest look at the book: what it is, who I think it suits, who should save their money, what comes with it and what it costs.

What Mind Makeover is

The full title is Mind Makeover: How Inner Game Gets the Guy. It is a 129-page e-book written for single women who want a real, loving relationship and are tired of meeting the wrong men or following advice that leaves them feeling inadequate.

Amy puts the idea plainly on her sales page: the book is "not about what you should do or say or look like to get the guy. It's about how to be." Her view is that who you are inside, how you feel about yourself and what you believe you deserve, shapes what happens to you with men far more than your looks or your past.

The book is built on what she calls the Four Pillars, four foundational principles she asks you to understand, along with a set of questions she wants you to ask yourself seriously as you read. It is a book you work through, not one you skim.

Who wrote it

Amy Waterman has been writing about dating and relationships for over a decade. She is the author or co-author of ten dating advice books, including titles with the dating site MeetYourSweet.com, and she has written a great many articles about men, attraction, dating and marriage. She describes herself, with some humour, as someone who started out wanting to be Carrie Bradshaw and ended up closer to Murphy Brown: "a bit sharper tongue, a bit more committed to facts". That tone runs through her writing.

What is inside

Amy shares a partial list of the topics the book covers. A few that stood out to me:

• Do you give off "good vibes"?
• Why it's great to be single
• Chemistry won't strike unless you do this
• What is the "friends zone"?
• Why you should avoid being "what men want"
• How to keep your power with men
• How to stop being nervous with men
• Why rejection is a good thing
• Is having feelings for someone a sign of true love?
• Can a bed buddy become a boyfriend?
• What to do if you're attracted to a bad boy
• How past relationships affect you
• Healing your heart
• What if you're too busy to date?

Going by the sales page, the book also covers first impressions and the messages you may be sending without meaning to, how to quiet the critical voice that tells you you're not good enough, how to tell when to trust your feelings and when to be wary, how to weed out flakes, jerks and playboys, and what every man wishes women understood about him.

The five bonus e-books

Your order also includes five short bonus books:

• Guide to Affirmations: what affirmations are, how they work and how to write your own, plus 14 illustrated affirmations for love.
• The Secret to a Happy Relationship: a mini-book about keeping a relationship strong once you are in one.
• Living with Him: What to Know Before You Move In: ground rules and moving-in agreements, the practical side of sharing a home.
• Quotes to Live By: Amy's collection of quotes about love, break-ups and living well.
• Let's Talk about Love: a Q&A in which Amy answers reader questions, from why worrying doesn't help to how to know if he's "The One".

The order page also offers an optional extra: a monthly membership called Amazing Self, with the first edition free. The box for it comes already ticked. After the first month it costs $37 a month, and you can cancel at any time. I mention it because I would want to know about it before I paid. If you only want the book, untick the box before you pay.

What stood out to me

Two things.

First, it is kind. A lot of dating advice, even when it means well, starts from the idea that something is wrong with you. Amy's starting point is the opposite. She writes, "You don't need to be told you're not pretty enough, not wearing the right clothes, not making the right kind of small talk, or not sending off the right signals." For a woman who has read a dozen books that made her feel worse, that alone is a reason to look.

Second, it covers the parts most books skip: rejection, old heartbreak, the pull of the bad boy, the bed buddy who never becomes a boyfriend. These are the real situations women talk about with their friends, and it is good to see them faced directly.

What readers have said

The sales page carries a few reader comments about Amy's advice. Here are two of them, word for word. Everyone is different and your results will vary.

"I've not only used your advice to meet and attract the love of my life, I've gained confidence in myself that I never had before."

Sarah Donaldson, Portland, Oregon, USA

"Your tips have not only reminded me of the power of my own confidence, but have given me invaluable help on how to create interest in a man, and to keep it!"

Kim Collier, USA

Who it is for, and who it is not for

A good fit if you

• are single, have been for a while, and are starting to wonder whether it is worth the effort;
• are coming back to dating after a long relationship or a divorce and feel out of practice;
• keep ending up with men who are not right for you and want to understand why;
• are tired of rules and games and would rather work on how you feel about yourself.

Probably not for you if you

• want word-for-word texting scripts, opening lines or a dating profile makeover;
• prefer video lessons or coaching calls (this is an e-book you read);
• are dealing with trauma, abuse or depression, where a qualified counsellor or therapist is the right first step. A book like this is not a replacement for that kind of help.

The limitations

No book is perfect, and I would rather tell you now.

It is inner game, so it will not meet anyone for you. You still have to go out, say yes to invitations and put yourself in a position to meet people. Amy says as much herself: "No one else can attract a man for you."

The sales copy has its playful, big moments (the P.S. talks about your "transformation to an Absolute Goddess of Love"). If you like a dry, academic tone, this is not it. It reads like a friend with strong opinions.

And it asks something of you. The guarantee wording is clear that the change comes when you "commit to the principles" and "seriously ask yourself the questions" in the book. If you want something to read once and put down, you will get less from it.

Price and guarantee

Mind Makeover costs $37 and comes with the five bonus e-books. Amy offers a full refund: if you have given the program your best shot and it is not what you wanted or expected, you can contact her within 8 weeks of your purchase for your money back. That gives you plenty of time to read it properly and try the ideas before you decide.

My verdict

If you are a woman who is tired of dating advice that makes you feel like you are applying for a job, and you suspect the real problem might be the way you feel about yourself and about men, this is a warm, honest and practical place to start. It will not hand you scripts and it will not promise you a husband, and I think that is to its credit.

At $37, with five extra books and an 8-week refund window, the risk is low. If the topics above sound like conversations you have been having with yourself, you can read more about Mind Makeover on Amy's own page.

Disclosure: this article contains affiliate links. If you buy through them, I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

If you have landed here, you have probably seen the sales page for Mind Makeover and want a straight answer before you spend your money. That is fair. Below I have answered the questions people most often ask about it, using only what the author and her sales page actually say, plus my honest view at the end.

What is Mind Makeover?

Mind Makeover (full title: Mind Makeover: How Inner Game Gets the Guy, with "How Inner Game Gets the Guy" on the cover) is a dating and relationship e-book for women. (The link is my affiliate link.) It is sold on the Real Women Real Love website.

Its big idea is that it is not about what you should do, say or look like to get a man. It is about how to be. The author's view is that how you feel about yourself, who you are and what you believe you deserve shape what happens to you with men far more than your looks or your past.

Who wrote it?

Amy Waterman. She has been writing about dating and relationships for over a decade and is the author or co-author of ten dating advice books, including titles with the dating site MeetYourSweet.com. She has also written a great many articles about men, attraction, dating, chemistry and marriage. She describes herself, with a wink, as someone who wanted to be Carrie Bradshaw and turned into Murphy Brown: a bit sharper, a bit more committed to facts.

What does "inner game" mean?

Inner game is your mindset: your confidence, your self-worth, how ready you are for love and the energy you bring into a room. Outer game is the tactics (texts, outfits, opening lines). Mind Makeover is almost entirely about the inner side. The idea is that when the foundation is solid, the flirting and small talk follow more naturally.

Who is it for?

• Women who want a real, loving relationship, not a fling.
• Women who are tired of meeting the wrong men, or of dating advice that leaves them feeling inadequate.
• Women coming back to dating after a long relationship or a divorce.
• Women who suspect their own nerves, worry or self-criticism are getting in the way.

Who is it not for?

• Anyone looking for pick-up lines, texting scripts or tricks to "make him commit." This book is not that.
• Anyone who wants to read it once and change nothing. The guarantee wording itself says it works best if you commit to the principles and seriously ask yourself the questions in the book.
• Anyone looking for therapy or help with a mental-health condition. It is a dating advice book, not a replacement for professional support.

What is inside the book?

The book is built on what Amy calls the Four Pillars, and it asks you some searching questions about yourself. Her published list of topics includes:

• Do you give off "good vibes"?
• Why it's great to be single
• You have to love yourself first
• Why you should avoid being "what men want"
• How to keep your power with men
• How to stop being nervous with men
• How men form their opinions about you
• Why rejection is a good thing
• Is having feelings for someone a sign of true love?
• Can a bed buddy become a boyfriend?
• How to identify a real man
• How past relationships affect you, and healing your heart
• What if you're shy, or too busy to date?

That is only part of the list. Other topics cover first impressions, the "friends zone," bad boys, playing hard to get and what men wish women understood about them.

What bonuses come with it?

Five bonus e-books come with the main book:

1. Guide to Affirmations: what affirmations are and how to write your own, plus 14 illustrated affirmations for love.
2. The Secret to a Happy Relationship: a mini-book on keeping a relationship strong once you are in one.
3. Living with Him: What to Know Before You Move In: practical reading before you share a home, including ground rules and moving-in agreements.
4. Quotes to Live By: Amy's favourite quotes about dating, love, break-ups and marriage.
5. Let's Talk about Love: a Q&A with Amy answering reader questions, from why worrying does not help to how to know if he is "The One."

Is it a video course?

No. Mind Makeover is a 129-page e-book, and the five bonuses are e-books too. You read it at your own pace.

How much does it cost, and are there any extra charges?

The book is $37, and the five bonuses are included in that price.

On the order page there is also a box for a membership called Amazing Self, a monthly edition on becoming the best version of yourself. The box is ticked when the page opens. The first edition is free, and after the first month it costs $37 per month. You can cancel at any time. If you do not want it, untick the box and you pay the $37 for the book only. I mention this so nobody is surprised.

Is there a money-back guarantee?

Yes. The sales page says that if you have given the program your best shot and it is not what you wanted or expected, you can contact Amy within 8 weeks of your purchase for a full refund.

Is Mind Makeover legitimate?

Yes. It is a real e-book by a named author with a long writing history in this field, and you pay through ClickBank, the online retailer that sells it, with an 8-week refund window. What it is not is a magic fix, and it does not claim to be. Amy herself says no one can hand you love on a platter.

Does it work?

Honestly, it depends on you. This is a book that asks you to look at yourself and change some habits of thought, and it will only help if you do that work. Nobody can promise you will meet someone, and the book does not need to make that promise to be useful.

Here is what some of Amy's readers have said about her advice:

"I've not only used your advice to meet and attract the love of my life, I've gained confidence in myself that I never had before. I'm no longer as shy around men as I used to be and I really feel valuable as a person."

Sarah Donaldson, Portland, Oregon, USA

"Your tips have not only reminded me of the power of my own confidence, but have given me invaluable help on how to create interest in a man, and to keep it!"

Kim Collier, USA

Their experiences are their own, and results vary from person to person.

My verdict: is Mind Makeover worth it?

If you want tactics, skip it. If you are a woman who keeps meeting the wrong men, or who walks into every date already expecting it to go wrong, I think it is worth $37. It is warm, direct and refreshingly free of the "you are not doing enough" tone that so much dating advice has. It treats you as someone with real value, not a project to fix.

The 8-week guarantee also means the risk is small if you give it an honest try. If that sounds like what you need, you can read more about Mind Makeover here.

Disclosure: this article contains an affiliate link. If you buy through it I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

Ask a woman who has been single for a while what she needs, and she will usually say "a good man". Ask her what she does to meet one, and you will hear about apps, friends' parties and the odd blind date. What hardly anyone talks about is the part that happens before any of that: whether she is actually ready.

Being ready is not about losing weight, buying a new dress or having your life perfectly sorted. It is about how you feel about yourself, what you expect from men, and what you are carrying with you from the past. Get those right and dating stops feeling like an exam you keep failing.

Here are seven steps you can start on this week. You do not need to buy anything to use them.

1. Make peace with being single

This sounds backwards, but it matters. If being single feels like a sentence you are serving, every first date carries the weight of your whole future. You end up anxious, you hold on too tightly, and good men can feel that pressure from across the table.

Try this: write down five things you genuinely enjoy about your life as it is now. Your evenings, your friendships, the freedom to take a trip on a whim. A woman who is content on her own is choosing a partner, not looking for a rescue, and that is a very different energy to bring into a room.

2. Notice the voice in your head

Most of us have a critical inner voice that comments on everything. You are too old. Too heavy. Too much. Not enough. All the good ones are taken. That voice feels like the truth because it has been talking for years, but it is only a habit.

For one week, catch it. Every time you hear a harsh thought about yourself and men, write it down. At the end of the week, read the list and ask, "Would I say this to my best friend?" You would not, so start answering it the way you would answer her. Beating yourself up has never once helped anyone meet someone.

3. Look honestly at your past

Old heartbreak has a way of turning up on new dates. If you were cheated on, you may be braced for it again. If you were let down, you may push a kind man away before he gets the chance to let you down too.

Take an evening with a notebook and go through your last few relationships. For each one, write what drew you in, what went wrong, and what you believe about men because of it. You are looking for patterns, not blame. If you find wounds that feel too big to look at on your own, that is a sign to talk to a counsellor, which is a strong and sensible thing to do.

4. Decide what a good man looks like to you

Many women can describe the men they do not want in great detail and the man they do want only vaguely. Turn that around. Write down how you want to feel with a partner. Safe? Laughing? Respected? Then write the behaviours that would show you he is that kind of man: he calls when he says he will, he is kind to waiters, he asks about your day and listens to the answer.

This becomes your filter. It helps you weed out the flakes, jerks and playboys early, because you are judging men on how they treat you rather than on how much they make your heart race in the first ten minutes.

5. Learn when to trust your feelings

Chemistry is wonderful, but it is not the same as compatibility. Sometimes a strong pull towards a man is a sign of something good. Sometimes it is an old pattern dressed up as fate, and the "bad boy" you cannot stop thinking about is just the latest version of a story you already know the ending to.

A simple test: when you feel a strong pull, ask yourself, "Is this how I feel, or how I am used to feeling?" Then look at your list from step 4. If his actions match it, enjoy the feeling. If they do not, the feeling deserves a little suspicion.

6. Think about the first impression you give

Men form their opinions quickly, and so do we. This is not about looking like a model. It is about the messages you send without meaning to: arms crossed, eyes on your phone, a joke at your own expense before he has had a chance to like you. Many women who think they are being "relaxed" come across as uninterested, and get put in the friends zone as a result.

Next time you go out, try three small things. Put your phone away. Make eye contact and smile first. Ask him one question you are curious about, and let the conversation follow from there. Warmth is far more attractive than any clever line.

7. See rejection differently

Every woman who has dated has been turned down, ghosted or let go. It hurts, and it is easy to take it as proof that something is wrong with you. A more useful way to see it is that rejection saves you time. A man who is not interested, or not ready, has just stepped out of the way of the one who will be.

When it happens, give yourself a day to feel it, then ask what, if anything, you would do differently. Usually the honest answer is "nothing, he just wasn't the one". Then move on, still open.

When you want to go further

These seven steps are worth doing on their own. If you would like a guide to walk you through the inner side of dating in more depth, the book I recommend is Mind Makeover by Amy Waterman. (That is my affiliate link.)

Amy has been writing about dating and relationships for over a decade and is the author or co-author of ten dating advice books, including titles with the dating site MeetYourSweet.com. Mind Makeover is her book about inner game: not what to say or wear to get a man, but how to be. In her words, "who you are inside is the root of everything that's happening to you with men."

It covers the ground above in much more detail, including:

• do you give off "good vibes"?
• how to stop being nervous with men
• how men form their opinions about you
• why rejection is a good thing
• how past relationships affect you
• what to do if you're attracted to a bad boy
• healing your heart
• what if you're too busy to date?

The book is built around her Four Pillars and asks you to answer some honest questions about yourself as you read, so it suits women who are willing to do a bit of work rather than looking for a quick trick. It is a 129-page e-book, so you can start reading straight away.

It costs $37 and comes with five bonus e-books: a Guide to Affirmations (with 14 illustrated affirmations for love), The Secret to a Happy Relationship, Living with Him: What to Know Before You Move In, Quotes to Live By, and Let's Talk about Love, a Q&A with Amy. On the order page there is also a box for Amy's monthly Amazing Self membership, and it comes ticked. The first edition is free. After that it costs $37 a month, and you can cancel at any time, so if you only want the book, untick the box before you pay.

Amy gives an 8-week guarantee: if you give the program your best shot and it is not what you wanted or expected, contact her within 8 weeks of buying and she will refund you in full.

Being ready for love will not make a man appear on your doorstep. What it does is make sure that when a good one comes along, you are open, confident and clear enough to see him and let him in. If you would like help getting there, take a look at Mind Makeover.

Disclosure: this article contains an affiliate link. If you buy through it, I may earn a commission, at no extra cost to you.

You are kind, you are good company, and you have a full life. Your friends cannot work out why you are still single, and on some evenings neither can you.

When that happens, most of us reach for the outside fixes. A new dating app. Better photos. A different dress. A cleverer first message. Sometimes those help a little, but they rarely change the pattern, because the pattern usually starts somewhere else: in how you feel about yourself, what you believe you deserve, and the habits of thought you carry into every date.

That is what dating author Amy Waterman calls your inner game. Her e-book, Mind Makeover, is built around one idea that I keep coming back to: who you are inside is the root of everything that is happening to you with men. (The link above is my affiliate link.) Reading her sales page and the list of topics she covers, I kept noticing the same few mistakes that good, warm, capable women make again and again. Here are seven of them, with something small you can try for each one today.

1. Letting the critical voice do the talking

You get ready for a night out, catch sight of yourself in the mirror, and a voice in your head starts its list. Too old. Too heavy. Too much. Not enough. By the time you walk in the door, you have already decided nobody will be interested.

Amy is blunt about this one: beating up on yourself never helps. It does not make you more attractive, and it does not make you try harder in any useful way. It just makes you smaller in the room.

Try this today: each time you catch the critical voice, write down exactly what it said. Then write what you would say to a close friend who said the same thing about herself. You will usually be far kinder to her. Practise being that kind to you.

2. Trying to be "what men want"

One of the topics in the book is called "why you should avoid being what men want," and I love that it is there. So much dating advice tells you to change your clothes, your laugh, your opinions and your small talk until you fit some idea of the ideal woman.

The trouble is that if a man falls for the version of you that you have edited for him, he has not met you yet. And you will be exhausted keeping the act going. Amy's view is that you do not need to be told you are not pretty enough or not sending the right signals. You need to show up as yourself, so the right man can actually find you.

Try this today: think of one thing you usually hide on early dates (a strong opinion, a silly hobby, a big laugh). Decide that next time, you will let it show.

3. Handing over your power

You know the feeling. A man you like walks in, your knees go weak, and suddenly you are agreeing with everything he says, checking your phone every few minutes and rearranging your week around his plans.

The book covers how to keep your power with men and what happens when you hand over control to him. The idea is to stay steady in yourself, even with the men who make your heart race, because a woman who still has her own life, her own views and her own plans is far more interesting than one who has quietly disappeared into his.

Try this today: write down three things that are yours and only yours: a friend, a hobby, a goal. Protect time for them this week, whatever your dating life is doing.

4. Bringing old baggage into new relationships

After years of dating, most of us carry a few bruises. A divorce, a long relationship that faded, a man who vanished without a word. It makes sense that we get guarded. But when old wounds start running the show, a perfectly decent new man ends up paying for what the last one did.

Amy writes about how past relationships affect you, healing your heart and tackling the emotional baggage that builds up over years of heartbreak, so that it does not quietly sabotage what comes next.

Try this today: next time you feel a sudden wave of suspicion or hurt with someone new, ask yourself one honest question: is this about him, or is it about someone before him? Just noticing the difference takes a lot of the sting out.

5. Taking rejection as proof something is wrong with you

He does not call back. The second date never happens. The man you liked starts seeing someone else. It is very easy to turn that into a verdict on your looks, your age or your worth.

One of the more surprising topics in the book is "why rejection is a good thing." Amy talks about a change of perspective that helps you deal with rejection and break-ups and get back to smiling at life sooner. A "no" from the wrong man is simply information. It saves you time you would have spent on someone who was never going to be right for you.

Try this today: think of a past rejection that hurt at the time. Now list one thing you would have missed if that relationship had worked out. Most of us can find something.

6. Mistaking a strong feeling for "The One"

Chemistry is lovely. It is also not the same as love. Plenty of us have been certain a man was the one, only to find out he was really just a heartbreaker with good timing.

The book asks whether having feelings for someone is a sign of true love, and it covers how to know when to trust your feelings and when to be wary. It also looks at how to identify a real man, and the truth about bad boys and bed buddies, so you can weed out the flakes, jerks and playboys in favour of a man who loves you for who you are.

Try this today: write down three things a man would have to do (not make you feel) for you to trust him. Keep the list somewhere you will see it when the butterflies start.

7. Worrying, and waiting to be chosen

This last one ties the others together. So many of us treat dating like a job application: polish yourself, send it off, then wait and worry until somebody picks you.

Amy calls this out directly. On her sales page she writes that we need to stop talking about our own perceived inadequacies, "as if there's something wrong with us because a man hasn't chosen us yet." Worry does not help you meet anyone, and it tends to give off exactly the kind of tense energy that keeps good men at a distance. Her alternative is to get excited about your love life again and to see yourself as the star of your own love story rather than a woman waiting in the wings.

Try this today: plan one thing this week purely because it sounds fun to you, not because you might meet someone there. People notice a woman who is enjoying herself.

Where to go from here

None of these seven mistakes mean anything is wrong with you. They are habits, and habits can change. They are also very hard to see from the inside, which is why a good guide helps.

If this list hit home, Mind Makeover is worth a look. It is an e-book by Amy Waterman, who has been writing about dating and relationships for over a decade and is the author or co-author of ten dating advice books, including titles with the dating site MeetYourSweet.com. Rather than tricks, scripts or rules, it focuses on how to be: your confidence, your energy around men and the way you see yourself. It is built on what she calls the Four Pillars, and it asks you some serious questions about yourself along the way.

The book costs $37 and comes with five bonus e-books: a Guide to Affirmations, The Secret to a Happy Relationship, Living with Him: What to Know Before You Move In, Quotes to Live By, and Let's Talk about Love, a Q&A with Amy. It also has an 8-week money-back guarantee, so if you give it your best shot and it is not what you wanted, you can ask for a full refund.

Nobody can promise you a man, and I would not trust anyone who did. But if you would like to stop getting in your own way, this is a gentle, honest place to start. Take a look at Mind Makeover here.